WFMW: Kids Visual Schedule

On Monday, I blogged about getting a summer routine in place. One of the ideas I came across was a "visual schedule". These schedules are often recommended for kids who have Autism, but I think they work well for any family with young kids (and not so young).

Well, I went ahead and made one for our family and it worked really well!

Here's a picture:

And one up close:

And here it is in use:

I found the images in Microsoft's clip art and dropped them into a Word document. I just printed and folded the pages in half. Finally, I taped them all together and up in a central location (our kitchen pantry door - we are in the kitchen ALL DAY).

You'll notice the orange stickies - these I added to highlight extra events for today only (Ballet and a meeting I had). I also decided to cover each image with a yellow stickie as we passed that event, so that we could easily see where we were in the day. I'll reuse those stickies until they loose their stick.

I could have done this much fancier and "smarter", but I just wanted to get on with using it. If it continues to work so well, I'll make a bit more permanent one (laminated and maybe with some other way to mark our place in the day).

A Visual Schedule - it works for me!

Check out the other "Works For Me Wednesday" tips at Rocks in My Dryer.

Carnival of Homeschooling

Head over to "Mom is Teaching" for this week's Carnival of Homeschooling!

5-steps for establishing a summer routine

Summer is just around the corner. We've had spring fever BAD and have gotten way off our routine. So, I'm kind of starting fresh with a summer routine. Here are my ideas...

1) Decide on the big rocks of our daily life. Plan for these and let them be the "anchors" of our day.
Some examples are: regular meal times, planned snack time, chore time, learning time, play time, read or rest time. Pay attention to the flow of these various "anchors". Try to plan for good variety of structured vs. unstructured and active vs. passive.

Anything I'm missing here? What would you add/drop?

2) Provide some visual cues for the expected flow of our day.
If your kids are pre-readers or highly visual (verses verbal), make a picture chart. Find or draw simple pictures of each of the daily "anchors". These also help with #4 - transitions.

Help for Kids' Speech offers suggestions for visual ways to cue children in to expectations for the daily routine. The article mentions the website Do2Learn which offers various picture cards that can be accessed for free. There are loads of other resources in their subscriber areas, too.

Another idea comes from Family Fun: a doorknob daily reminder. You could use this to remind kids of special events or "themes" for each day. (Park Day, Errand Day, Class Day, etc.)

Any ideas for other wasy to use visual cues? Do you have a resource I might try?

3) Set distinct moods or tones for certain types of activities or times of day.
Quick moodsetters are music and light - moodsetting will also help with #4 - transitions. For example, if you want to get your kids up and going (maybe for chore time or because you are going out for a playdate) make sure the house is bright and try turning on some cheerful or exciting music. In the evening when it is time to wind down, lower the lights in the house and turn on some quieter music.

Another important aspect of moodsetting is tone of voice. Pay attention to the tone you set, too. I read somewhere that parentss should be the thermostat not the thermometer of their home (a thermostat sets the temperature; a thermometer just reacts to it).

Collect some CDs that are particularly energetic or quiet or whatever you need and keep those handy. Or do the 80's thing and make a mix-tape! :) "Mom's Quiet Down Music" or "Mom's Get Up and MOVE Music".

Got some favorite CDs or songs for certain times of day?

4) Work on establishing good transition habits.
Some kids are very easy transitioners and other kids need a lot of help in this area. I have one of each and one inbetween. Here are some quick ideas:

• Five Minute "Heads Up" - particularly useful when ending a fun, unstructured activity
• Assessment and Feedback- After chore time is an excellent time to gather the kids and assess how well they did or to "go see" their work. In fact, a "go see" to point out what might have been overlooked followed up with some "good job" kudos is probably a good idea. If you use a chore system or reward chart, this might be the time to incorporate that.
• What's Next? - Encourage the kids to complete what they are doing by telling them what is coming up next. "When you finish cleaning up the breakfast dishes, we are going to walk to the park." or "After lunch it will be time for Read or Rest."
• Until tomorrow - Sometimes kids are satisfied to transition to a new activity when they know the one they are currently being asked to stop is one they will get to do again another day. "We'll come back to the park next week." or "You'll get to do playdough again tomorrow."
• Consolidate- consolidate activities to reduce the number or transitions. (But don't go so far as to spend hours doing the same thing - like chores!) An example might be cleaning up from breakfast and moving right into chore time instead of letting them have playtime after breakfast and chore time later in the morning.

What are some ways you help your kids transition to the next activity?

5) Make it a team effort.

Sit down together and go over the daily routine and your expectations. Talk about the fun stuff you all want to have time for this summer and how your daily routine is going to help you have time for the fun stuff.

Are Adoptive Moms "Non-Moms"?

I can't leave this one alone! I've updated and added a screeen shot of the original contest website at the bottom.

Apparently NBC's Today Show and Teleflora think so.

In their co-sponsored contest to find "America's Favorite Mom" one of their categories is "Non-Mom Moms". According to the contest website this category includes:

Grandparent, stepmom, or mom to adopted children, each one raising and loving a child. A priceless gift for everybody

I understand that the intention is to highlight moms who've stepped out and parented children that are not their biological children...but for the adoptive Mom, her bio and adopted children are ALL her OWN. The adoptive mom is no different than a "regular" mom and should not be put into a seperate category. Or are these kids "Non-Kids" in "Non-Families"?

Want to voice your opinion? Here ya go:

support@americasfavoritemom.com
legalinfo@americasfavoritemom.com
Marie Osmond contact - kesti@marieosmond.com
Teleflora press contact - fposell@teleflora.com
Today show contact: today@msnbc.com

Updated: *** WOW*** - they must have heard that cry loud and clear. They have since changed the wording to say "The Adopting Mom". Still not sure that adoptive moms should be seperated from "regular" moms, but that is better than "Non Moms".

What was all the fuss about? The contest website has been changed to soften the category name a bit and to change some really offensive lingo ("own child" vs. adopted children and "meth babies"), which is great. But I'm still quite hot under the collar about it all. You have to see the original website to fully understand the outcry. I found a screenshot:


Click on the image to enlarge. Notice the lingo about children "owing their lives" and "own children" and "meth babies".

I'm thankful they've responded so quickly to the situation, but is it enough? Do we let bygones be bygones? I hope someone with a large public voice will take the opportunity to use this gaffe for public education about adoption language. Angelina? Madonna? Nichole? Laura?

Opportunity costs

I officially moved out of my corporate office this week. Well, cube is more accurate – after 19 years in my current profession, I’ve never had a workspace with a door. It was a strange sensation, this move, because my primary office will be at home now. While I have worked a couple days a week from home for the last couple of years, there is a different level of commitment, a decisiveness, associated with this action. Oddly, it felt like forsaking all other potential mates when I knew that Kerry was “the one” for me fairly early in our dating relationship. There was a sense of leaving something behind, thinking I might miss something, but knowing, nonetheless, the chosen path was far superior.

You may be asking yourself, “So how does this relate to adoption?” The parallel may not be immediately evident. After the birth of our first child, we officially became a family, instead of a couple. This was something for which we yearned and happily embraced. Adjustments, some anticipated, and some not, were required. No longer could we stay up until 2 a.m. and expect to sleep late, uninterrupted, to recover! Spontaneity became much rarer. Romantic midnight walks were replaced by midnight walks around the house to comfort a needy baby.

Each new child brought new adjustments. But more than that, with each child, we became a different family entirely. This may be something you know intuitively, without ever thinking about it. The family child #2 knew became different when child #3 came along. The individuals in the family, the dynamics of the family, the “operation” of the family, etc, became different as the family grew.

Having waited and yearned for a fourth child for almost 4 years, one would assume we would be fully prepared for #4. However, I think it’s a very healthy and necessary step, consciously and deliberately, to surrender that which is familiar and comfortable (in this case, the present familial environment), and potential opportunities (things available via the status quo) when making important decisions. In economic/financial terms, we must weigh the “opportunity costs” (what we sacrifice) when we choose one thing over another. Just as I decided to forsake my familiar office environment when I chose to work from home, choosing to adopt a child means sacrificing the family environment we know and enjoy now. Each family member should do this in their own way and time.

Slowly, I am beginning to understand what child #4, and particularly the special needs of an adopted child, will mean to parents and children alike. I already know some of the blessings that will come, but only time will tell the ultimate impact this individual, whom the Lord has chosen for our family, will have on us. I’m ready to embrace this change, to give up the familiar and other opportunities, because I know this is what the Lord wants for us. I am filled with joyful expectation, and a sense of wonder of being a part of His larger plan, as we wait to welcome the newest member of our family, and all the delights and challenges this encompasses.

And, by the way, now I finally have an office…with a door.

Come Holy Spirit!

From a quilt by Linda Schmidt.

Today is not only Mother's Day, it is Pentecost!

Yesterday, a friend of mine (who doesn't go to a liturgical church) asked me, "What is Pentecost?" She'd never heard of it. Wow, never heard of the day of Pentecost? When the Church was given the gift of the Holy Spirit? (Another reason I enjoy the liturgical church - celebrating the Church Year, not just the secular year.)

Well, I've not had my brain together enough to plan a Pentecost celebration for our family, but I'm going to try to pull a few things together today:

- I have put out red candles and taken down my Easter banners and decorations. (Yes, we left them up for ALL of Easter season.)
- I'll wear red today (representing the "tongues of fire").
- I'll read the "Pentecost" page from Come Worship With Me: A Journey Through the Church Year (Mouse Books)

Want to celebrate Pentecost with your kids? Here are some links:
A great website with resources for all the liturgical seasons and some secular ones, too.
Some kid-friendly history about Pentecost and a few good craft ideas.
Celebrate the Church's Birthday!

And for you:
A ton of theological resources.

A Mother's Day Card for my fellow moms

Most of all the other beautiful things in life come by

twos and threes, by dozens and hundreds.

Plenty of roses, stars, sunsets, rainbows,

brothers and sisters, aunts and cousins, comrades and friends -

but only one mother in the whole world.

~Kate Douglas Wiggin

The Bastard of Istanbul - book review

Last weekend I finished reading The Bastard of Istanbul by Elif Shafak. I'm no literary critic, so I'll just share with you my impressions.

This book starts right off with a bang. One of the central figures is in a situation where she must make a life-altering decision. (From the title, perhaps you can guess - but I'm not giving it away!) The rest of the plot flows on from here - like a river flowing from a spring. Other turning points occur along the way, but they are much more subtle until the very end of the book. These two major events (one at the beginning and one at the end) become as book ends to the tale. In between those two bookends, the author draws us into two seperate but connected families: the Kazancis and the Tchakhmakhchians, one Turkish and one Armenian-American (from the Diaspora).

The main characters are the two youngest members of these families, both daughters. They meet when the Armenian-American daughter travels to visit her Turkish stepfamily in Istanbul. While very different, these two young women come to understand each other and provide a glimpse of an unrealized dream: peaceful relations between Turks and Armenians.

Toward the end of the book, I felt the need for some confrontation that might lead to a final resolution to either destroy or cement the relationship between the Turkish and Armenian family. While this didn't happen, the two daughters did demonstrate how future generations might come to live with each other through shared trials and triumphs and the realization that they share more than they might realize.

I recommend this book for anyone who is just learning about the Turkish-Armenian conflict. It certainly doesn't go deep enough, but helps one begin to have an understanding of the their entwined history.

The author has a gift for descriptions of her character's psychological and emotional states. She also has a gift for all sorts of other descriptions - especially interior spaces and the mouth-watering food! The cultures are fascinating and the characters interesting. You will see, feel, hear, smell, taste as you read this book.

Some books I can't put down because the author's writing leaves me feeling unsettled until I've finished the whole book...but this book I could read a chapter at a time and feel I'd had a good read. Each chapter was like a delightful meal leaving me not too full (that I didn't want more), but not needing to consume more to feel satisfied. My mind was intrigued and my senses delighted.

A couple warnings: 1) there is one character who successfully talks with an evil and good "jinn" to discern secret events and 2) one of the themes discussed in the book is incest (which I found unnecessary - while it did provide the ending "book end", I wish the author had found a different way to wrap up this story).

If you've read the book, I'd love to hear your thoughts!



You can find more book reviews at Semicolon's Saturday Review of Books.

Time to start our summer routine

The past couple of weeks we've really let the household routine slide and my kids are starting to get massively crabby because of it (How could I forget Habit #1?). What can I say, it's the end of the school year, we all have Spring Fever, and the adoption home study has kept us hopping.

My middle son is especially sensitive to having a lack of structure to his day and after a particularly nasty explosion today, I vented to hubby, "What is wrong with him?" (I knew the answer, but had to hear someone else say it.) "He needs structure, Kerry."

Yup, we all do.

Some of us enjoy non-structure to a degree and can get along fine without it for a time, but then it wears on us. I'm that way. That middle boy tends to be our household barometer - if he's feeling out of sorts; our home is out of sorts. His outburst today tells me it is way past time to get us back into a routine.

A while ago (like months) I posted about Rhythm, Reverence and Time. These are concepts around which I really want to shape my children's (and my) days. (Unfortunately, I've been slacking severly in all three of these areas. ) I'm going to start with focusing on Rhythm - particularly the rhythm of everyday life in our home.

The first thing I need to do is determine a reasonable daily routine. Then I will look at ways to set moods for certain activities and times of day. And finally I'll examine different ways to ease transitions during our day. I'll share my thoughts and plans, but I would also really appreciate your feedback on all of this - so please share you ideas, questions, resources, etc!

Friday Heart of the Matter Meme : The Way We Socialize

Time again for the Friday Meme at Heart of the Matter. This week's topic of conversation is "The Way We Socialize".

Yuck. The "S"-word. Homeschoolers hate to be asked that dreaded question...not because we are afraid to answer it, but because it is a horse beaten quite to death. (Before you ask the question, do a google search on "socialize homeschool" and see what comes up. )

The most important thing a homeschooler wants you to know is that our idea of "SOCIALIZATION" is probably different from yours while our goals are probably the same: kids who can get along with others and who are socially-adept (ie. can have a conversation).

If our goals are the same, how can we have different ideas about the concept? Well, for one, I don't think the best way to help a child become socially-adept is to confine him to a group of same-age peers for 6 or more hours a day where he actually is instructed not to interact with those peers for the majority of that time.

So, how do we socialize?

We go on frequent field trips - to parks, plays, farms, museums where we learn that different environments means different behavior.

They play with a group of neighborhood kids that range in age from 3 to 13 - in my backyard, happily, almost daily. They learn: give and take, dealing with conflict, watching out for and helping those younger than themselves, being responsible leaders and how to have fun without having to be entertained.

They join me on all sorts of errands: stores, grocery, post office, doctor's office, auto repair shop, DMV, and lots more. They learn about interacting with strangers and how to take care of household business.

My kids, and most homeschoolers, are learning to be socially-adept by: being with a wide range of ages of children and by observing my interactions with other adults in the community (and interacting with those adults themselves) on a regulary basis.

and that is the way we socialize. :)

Bliss in a dish - Eggplant Dip

Ok - totally "Yum-O" as Rachel Ray would say (I really hate it when she says that, but this truly is "Yum-O"). Tastes like SUMMER!

I was looking for a Baba Ganouj recipe, but realized I needed tahini to make it and don't have that one hand. Instead I made a simpler "Eggplant Dip" - very similar and so delicious! On top of that it is REALLY quick.

1 large eggplant
1/4 c or olive oil
2 garlic cloves, crushed (I just garlic powder cause it was on hand)
juice of 1 lemon
salt and pepper to taste

Score the eggplant and bake in mocrowave for 12 minutes. Cool the eggplant until you can easily handle it. Split it open carefully and scoop out the flesh into a food processor. Add oil, lemon juice, garlic, salt and pepper. Process until creamy. Scoop mixture into a bowl and drizzle a little more oil on top if you wish (a little parsley on top would make a nice garnish).

Serve with toasted pita pieces. lavash or other flat bread.

This recipe is posted as part of Rocks in My Dryer's "Works For Me Wednesday: 5 Ingredients or Less Edition"

Why International Adoption?

Whoa. Big question. But it is one we've begun to hear, if not directly asked, in comments and other questions. It is a good question, but a hard one. Of course the reasons we chose an international adoption are personal and each family's decision will be different.

Sometimes I hesitate to broach this question, for fear of others picking apart our choices, but we feel confident that we've make a sound decision for our family.

So, here you go, Why We Chose International Adoption:

1) Healthy newborns do not become waiting children in the US, unlike other countries where healthy children wait and wait to have a family. Even children with minor special needs (and not so minor special needs) are adopted quickly (often from birth) in the US. In other countries, special needs children who cannot be cared for by their parents are relinquished to state care and hopefully adoption (although many spend years and years in orphanages). There are waiting children in this country through the foster care system, but we do not feel our family is called to that process for a number of reasons. Particularly, we are concerned that the possibility of disruption in a "foster to adopt" situation would be extraordinarily hard on our other children. (Disruption in adoption terms is when an adoption situation is halted and the child returns to the system or birth parent.)

2) We really want another daughter and we would not be able to choose gender in a domestic newborn adoption. This is a fairly minor reason, but it is still a reason. Since the children are already born when being matched to families in an international adoption, their gender can be a criteria for matching.

3) While we wish international adoptions could be semi-open (allowing non-identifying contact between birth mother and our family), we prefer not to have a fully-open adoption. With older biological children this could cause confusion.

4) Waiting for a birth mother to choose us could be difficult and heart-breaking for us and our children. As would the waiting period after the child is placed with us (and disruption at this point would be devastating to them).

5) We don't feel the need to have a newborn. Many first-time adoptive parents (meaning this is their first child) greatly desire to experience the newborn days. While I would love for my daughter to be with me in her newborn days, I don't have that "need" to do newborn stuff all over again. We will be happy to adopt an older baby or toddler. Many internationally adopted children come home well past their infancies.

6) Becoming a mixed-culture or mixed-race family is challenge we look forward to. We don't see it as negative, we see it as a positive. We are enjoying beginning to learn about Armenian culture and we are excited about passing that culture on to our daughter.

7) Birth mothers, understandably, seem to feel that families with no children are more in need than families with children. Because we already have three birth children, our family might have a very long wait until a birth mother selects us. We don't want to have an even larger gap in our kids' ages, so the sooner we can complete the adoption the better. Our international adoption will most likely be completed in about a year (from dossier submission).

8) The Lord has very clearly led us to this decision and confirmed and reconfirmed that decision.

The question, "Why international adoption" or "Why not domestic adoption" seems to come up because people are genuinely concerned about the problems with international adoption in some countries, but as the spotlight has gotten brighter so has the scrutiny on those problems. People on all sides of the adoption triad are paying more attention to ethics. Another concern is that there are children here in the US needing homes, and while that is true, the US foster system is not without its own faults.

The best we can do is choose a reputable agency with a high concern for ethics and pray for the Lord to lead us.

A thoughtful meme

Deb posted this meme today and invited anyone to join in. The adoption has kept me crazy busy the past couple of weeks, so I can use the blog material! :)

Outside my window - my grass is getting taller by the minute.

I am thinking - about what I can get done on my dossier today.

I am thankful - that my neighbor and I have started walking again.

From the kitchen - I have shooed the children so that I can have a moment of quiet.

I am wearing - my husband's favorite shirt of mine.

I am creating - a lavendar, crochet baby blanket for our future daughter.

I am going - to do lots of laundry today (and finally get last week's all put away).

I am reading - Black Dog of Fate: An American Son Uncovers His Armenian Past

I am hoping - to get some blog post brainstorming done today and do some silver polishing. (odd combination, I know).

I am hearing - my husband on the phone talking with our missionary friends who need to borrow our van and my kids upstairs building a "rainy day fort".

Around the house - our whole family is home most days now with homeschooled students and a hubby working from home. It's nice.

One of my favorite things - the quiet house early in the morning as the sun is just coming up.

A few plans for the week/weekend - one of my daughter's little friends is having a birthday party with a petting zoo. Also, it is Pentecost, so we'll be donning RED on Sunday!

Here is a picture thought I am sharing -

That is a scene from a sidewalk along the Pearl River in Guangzhou, Guangdong Province, China. So peaceful, isn't it? (Yes, I took that photo!)

If you want to tag yourself, please do and leave a link to your post in the comments.

Art Smart!

There is really something important about the fine arts and brain development. Recent research shows how fine arts (from music to drama) can help develop the brain and thinking power. This article just whet my appetite to read more!

Having the fine arts as a part of our lifestyle has always been important to me. My eldest son has long enjoyed taking part in drama classes and plays. My middle son took cello lessons for a year and would like to take up another instrument. My daughter takes ballet. They all enjoy drawing and creating on an almost daily basis. We listen to lots of music: classical, folk, fun. I don't do as much picture study as I'd like, but we do some and that is better than none.

How do you incorporate fine arts into your children's education or life?

HT: the evangelical outpost's "Thirty-three things"

Seasonal Food Carnival

As you may have noticed, I'm trying to cook more seasonall (and more locally) for my family. We've really enjoyed the extra fresh food and the rhythm of seasonal cooking the last 8 or so months. But sometimes I get stumped, and I sure would love to be able to compare notes with other friends who are also going "seasonal".

So, are you (or would you like to learn more about) going "seasonal"? If you'd be willing to contribute to or would be an interested reader of carnival like this, leave me a comment!